I couldn't deny that I still feel the pain of a failed relationship that brings me to another great suffering- which is unavoidable. Like the other episodes I've ever been through, I know it will take time to fully enjoy my life again and restore my happy soul.
Frankly, I put too much hopes in the past relationship. I would say, this ghost of hopes kill me softly. I couldn't control the euphoria of falling in love. And when it came to an end, it's just like... I was building a castle of sand, I put my whole heart and hope in making it, then suddenly the ocean waves washed them away. Fiuh..
But when I lose something that mattered to me, it's natural and important -yes! important!- to feel sad about it, right? right? riiiiight? I do believe that is an essential part of healing process. The bad thing that I still often feel is when I am entering my bedroom at night, switch on the light, then the horrible feeling is coming again and over again. I feel unhappy and emotional. The fear makes me more than anxious. Scary!
You know what? this feeling for me is even scarier than the feeling when I think about the suicide in the railway station that occurred a few days ago.
(Take a deep breathe.. I don't know what I am going to write next)
This is affirmation for myself. I have to imagine the future door is widely open. I have to walk towards the door. I need to see beyond a world that I have to recover my heartbreaking relationship. I need to hang out with my female friends more often and make friends as wide as possible.
I can not forecast what happen next but I affirm myself I will take it as lessons. Humans are meant to try their best but God decides. Yes, God always decides.
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| We were in Ciwalk Bandung on Sunday for having lunch |
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| Being sandwiched between a doctor and an engineer |
